Spoonited Cup looms: Just how bad have things been?

At least one team has been slightly worse than Atlanta United since their last home win. You'll never guess who.

Atlanta United have one win since May 29. That one win did not come at home. When the Five Stripes take the field for their Decision Day Spoon Off with D.C. United—Atlanta United needs a win or a draw to avoid finishing in last place—it will have been 143 days from their (inexplicable) 3-2 win over Orlando City at Mercedes-Benz Stadium.

This stretch of one win and 10 points across 17 games is by far the worst run in team history. If you’re reading Five Stripe Final Dot Com in October of 2025, you’re probably well aware of that, but it’s worth repeating and expanding on exactly how bad things have been. There’s no sugarcoating it: Really, really bad. Spoons are earned, not given, right?

Since May 29 Atlanta United are…

• Tied for the lowest point total in MLS. They have 10 points in that span. They’re tied with…D.C United.

• They’re tied for the second-worst rate of goals scored per game at 0.88. Only Toronto FC has been worse. Atlanta is, of course, tied with D.C. United.

• They’re allowing 2.00 goals per game. Only D.C. United (duh) and Sporting KC have been worse.

• Naturally, only D.C. and SKC have a worse goal differential in that span. Sporting KC fired their head coach on March 31. D.C. United fired their head coach July 10.

• It doesn’t get much better with underlying numbers. Atlanta has a rate of xG For per game of 1.3 in that span. Only D.C. and Toronto have been worse.

• xG Allowed per game? Actually, a lot better. Atlanta is 15th in the league since May 29 at 1.59 xG Allowed per game.

• That hasn’t helped their xG Differential, though. Back to 25th there.

Throw in some disastrous giveaways (and throw out that bizarre 5-4 game against Columbus where Atlanta put up elite xG numbers while chasing a dream) and you have a team that’s been disastrous in every facet of the game for months now. 0.59 points per game is the same rate as 2021 FC Cincinnati, the second-worst MLS team of all time by points.

Maybe that could inspire some hope? FC Cincinnati went on to earn 49 points and fifth place in the East in 2022. They’ve been one of the best teams in the league ever since. But before Atlanta can get there, they have to wallow in 2025 one more time. Prepare yourself for the worst game in MLS history.

After that, prepare yourself for…well, that’s not entirely clear yet. Based on the results, the underlying numbers and the eye test, it would be surprising if the days following Spoonited Cup didn’t include significant changes to the staff at the club, regardless of the result. But you never know.

In the meantime, we’re going to try and laugh our way through this mortal thing so you may not weep through it. It’s all we can think to do this week. We’ve never seen anything like this in MLS. We might as well appreciate it while we have it. And then you can go back to hoping it never happens again.